I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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