Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
