I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
only you would photoshop your dick
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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