he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
