I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
