I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
