I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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