Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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