So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
