I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
