Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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