and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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