I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
