I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
