I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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