Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I am one with the molecules
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
