There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
