oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
