my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
