the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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