My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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