i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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