Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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