Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
