my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
