Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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