Where are you?
In a non slutty way
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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