id be glad to
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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