Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
