Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
