Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
babies were throwing up all over the place
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
