I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
