I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
