if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
