two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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