Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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