how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
