I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
