dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
