It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
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