Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
