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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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