I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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