oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize