I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
