he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Randomize
