**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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