is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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