i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
