You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
