i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
