i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
