We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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