then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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